Surgery went well this morning. Everything, I assume since the doctor didn't even come in after, was taken care of properly. The anesthesia kicked my butt and made me very nauseous and light headed. I then went over to my friend Jes' and slept the day away until I had to get up, still not feeling great might I add, went to auditions for RROAPS and then assumed the position on the couch again because of nausea. If that isn't dedication to your craft I don't know what is...
Part of me wonders if they didn't call me back because they know already who they want and I could be it but the other part of me knows better. I'm not calledback because I wasn't what they "wanted" or because they are worried about two days I'll be performing another show. I'm just at my breaking point. I'm terrified I've chosen the wrong field and that I'm never going to amount to much. Even though I have the drive and the mindset, people just don't give me a chance. I want to be taken seriously and I don't. I have some major decisions to make in the next few months. Is acting what I want to do? or should I finally throw in the towel after not being cast in any major roles in over 8 years?
I don't feel like I'm a part of anything. I'm an outcast and no one will ever give me that chance.
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